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Archive for the ‘Humor in Parenting’ Category

Picture day at elementary school was always a gut cruncher for me. 

I already knew that Brandon was going to argue about what to wear.  Please, Lord, let him wear something other than sweatpants!  I admit I let that argument go a long time ago when he very logically explained that pictures only show him from the waist up.  Is he going to brush his hair?  Better yet, is he going to let one of the school aides brush his hair – you know, because pictures were ALWAYS after recess!

No, no, even that wasn’t so bad to deal with.  The biggest thing for me was Brandon’s beautiful smile.  I know he’s got one.  On rare occassions, I’ve even seen it!

So in a patient, loving and almost desperate plea, I would say, “Now, Brandon… When the guy is taking your picture, just smile!  Say cheese, ok?”

He always rolled his eyes, and I would take a deep breath and put him on the bus – then a passing thought, “I hope the pictures are acceptable enough to pass along to family and friends.”

Invariably, I get…

Cheeeeeese

Brandon in 5th Grade

Ok, nevermind, Brandon.
You don’t ever have to smile for school pictures again.
Mommy loves you!

XOXOX

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Hello world!  I can imagine that you saw Butt-Mom and either thought you were coming to an X-rated site, have a quirky sense of humor or you’re just curious about who this new blogger is.

The story of Butt-Mom is one of my favorites – but to know about her is to know more about me.
My name is Meredith.  I am a mother of three boys…ok, that’s all you really need to know about me to get the story of Butt-Mom.

It was just “one of those days”. I felt like I was doing EVERYTHING (I really was) and my boys…well, they were doing NOTHING.  If I asked for a little bit of help they would whine, complain, argue, negotiate or just plain ignore me. It’s enough to make a parent’s hair hurt! 

So here is an example of the day – and after every sentence at the *, you say, “But, mom!” in your whiniest, most irritating & exasperated kid voice.

Eat your breakfast.  *
Put your dishes in the sink.  *
Brush your teeth.  *
Bring your dirty clothes downstairs.  *
Shut that down that (TV, laptop, PS1, 2 &/or 3, Xbox, Nintendo DS – pick one or add your own).  *
Put your clothes away. *
Eat your lunch.  *
Do your homework.  *
Pick up your mess.  *
Clean your room.  *
…..you get the message, right?  This was going on all day.
Now I’m exhausted & fed up and it’s bed time and I’m yelling GO TO BED!!!
* But, MO-OM! 

That was IT – the final straw.  I got really, really quiet.
Now to know me is to know I’m a yeller.  I don’t keep anything in ’cause that just causes ulcers.  But when I get quiet – I mean really quiet & still – it scares the heck out of the people who know me – especially my kids!

“What did you call me?” I asked in a very quiet (and apparently dangerous) voice.
     “Um, Mom?”  (like duh!)
“No, that’s not what I heard.  What – did – you – call – me?”
     “I called you mom!”
“No, I don’t think so.  I heard something else completely.”
     “But, mom, I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Now they’re worried as they watch me getting closer to them.
“There! You just said it again! I can’t believe you said it again!” I’m practically nose to nose with them & it’s SO HARD to keep a straight face!
     “But, mom, we didn’t call you anything!”
“Oh my gawd, you called me Butt-Mom again! I can’t believe you would insult me like that.!”
     “BUT, MOM, I DIDN’T CALL YOU BUTT-MOM!”
“Are you trying to hurt my feelings?  If you say that one…more…time…”  Ah, I see the twinkle in their eyes now.
     “BUT, MO-OM!”
“That’s it!  You’re done!  Prepare to be tickled until you pee yourself.”

Horror turned to humor & after a good tickle spell, they settled in for the night.  And to this day, they rarely reply with a “but, mom”, but this mom will never forget the look on their little faces when they understood and appreciated the play on words.

Personally, I love my Butt-Mom persona.  I should have a cape!  😉

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